Should i search my childs room

It seems to be standard practice now to present all the evidence for both sides of an argument and let mom decided what will work for their family and their teenager.

Teenagers are entering a stage where they are trying to move away from their parents and gain some independence, according to Empowering Parents.

They likely have their own phones, their own social media accounts and their own lives. This can be a nervous transition for mom. Mom has just spent the last 16 years caring for her child and monitoring everything they have done, and now she is expected to just let them go and trust that they know what they are doing. It may cause mom to want to check-in on their phone and their room every now and then and make sure that everything is OK.

However, this creates a moral dilemma for a lot of parents out there. Do teens even have a right to privacy? This is not always the case and if you have doubts, contact us. Be mindful that you were their age once too. We want to trust our kids and take them at their word but if you see the signs and you have that feeling in your gut… to find out what is happening with your child when other routes of info gathering have failed… and protect them from harm… What would you be willing to do?

He covers all of the issues facing you and your teens. Please make sure to use this free resource for support! General Inquiries: info firemountainprograms.

Admissions Inquiries: admissions firemountainprograms. Have you ever felt the sting of having your room searched? This is actually pretty simple. Trust your instincts. Where do you search? Do I tell them I searched? What am I looking for? In general, I think parents should be checking up on their child after a major infraction—and giving them effective consequences —as an obligation and a responsibility.

Turning things around is a tactic kids use to put parents on the defensive. They create an argument as a diversion to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or behavior. Below are a few tactics kids use in this situation and how parents should respond to ensure the discussion stays on track. Instead, the parent should calmly say something like this:. The problem is not spying. The problem is the rolling papers you have in your drawer.

If you want to yell or scream, go yell or scream someplace else. Go sit down, take a walk, go have a cup of tea. And then come back, talk about it, and explain the consequences for their actions.

Tell your child:. The issue is that your child had an empty beer can under his bed. Holding him accountable is not spying. You know the rules in this house. There are no drugs and alcohol allowed, both in the house and for your own personal use. If you spy on your child without cause and find something incriminating, I think you have to sit down and say:.

I went into your room without your knowledge and I looked around. But while I was in there, I found some cough syrup bottles. And I want an answer as to how they got there and why they are in my house. And turn around and leave. But also, the issue at hand has to be dealt with. Some things are just that important. But ask yourself this: once you take the door off, how are you going to let him earn it back? If your child wants to earn back your trust and his privacy so that you no longer have to spy on him, that can be discussed at a later date.

Just tell your child:. And your kids should know that if they violate your trust, one of the things that are going to change is that you are going to be watching them more carefully.

And yes, that might mean going through their drawers or closet or looking through their phone. People get fired from their jobs when they violate the rules and can no longer be trusted. Trust is not something that can be taken lightly, both inside your home and out. For more information on the concept of individuation in psychology and behavior, we recommend the following article:.

GoodTherapy: Individuation. Having had severe behavioral problems himself as a child, he was inspired to focus on behavioral management professionally. Together with his wife, Janet Lehman, he developed an approach to managing children and teens that challenges them to solve their own problems without hiding behind disrespectful, obnoxious or abusive behavior.

Empowering Parents now brings this insightful and impactful program directly to homes around the globe.